Fear and Loathing
I’m going to admit it – I’m scared. I’ve hit a stage in my life where I’m out of my comfort zone. No longer are the days of simple answers, or solutions. I have taken big leaps, and in turn set a whole new level of expectation.
In hindsight, I knew this was coming. Oh hell, I wanted this. I begged for this. But, it still doesn’t distract from the fact that it’s pretty terrifying.
These past couple of weeks have been the scariest time of my life – starting a brand new job, in a field I have never worked in professionally before, adapting to a new company, meeting new people, taking on a horrendous commute to and from work, travelling around the country and navigating around a place I know very little of, has been the toughest challenge of my life. So why the hell am I doing it?
Because: This is it.
Life is tough, and I’m the girl who doesn’t do things by half – I hate the ordinary, I pursue every mountain, I dream big, I dig deep, I run in the pouring rain, I push myself to the absolute extreme, I love with all of my heart and after a fall I always come back fighting.
We established a little while ago, just how fierce I was. And, I think ultimately this is what makes me the person that I am.
I always, always wanted a career, not just a job.
And, as time caught up with me, the hunger, the drive and the determination got the better of me. Taking on unsatisfying jobs and low profile roles meant my aspirations weakened, I almost if you will, felt defeated. But, then Thailand opened my heart to possibility, and everything changed…
This is only the beginning, and when attending The Golden Apron Awards last Monday on behalf of my company in conversation with a well-established writer and editor, she politely told me ‘you need to toughen up girl’ – and that struck a chord with me, because you know what, that is precisely what I intend to do.