Catching Dreams

I must whole-heartedly admit that I never expected the life I chose. I made a pretty bad job out of school, and a university rejection, and too many jobs to remember later. I was ruined, destined to fail.

But, I did the unthinkable, and made a life for myself.

Almost a decade later - I am happily married, living in our first home, in a permanent job, running as my hobby, living happily and healthily and breaking down the shyness brick by brick. Most significantly (if you know me well), I have a heart full of dreams and belly full of laughter. 

But, there is something still burning, a desire... almost for happiness.

I can't explain the full extent of the desire, other than it's there and it's so deep it keeps me awake at night, and has the power to wake me up in the early hours. I constantly search, and never stop. I think things that are far more extraordinary than most. 

A Rosie Outlook wrote a brilliant post earlier this week, which enlightened me. I was all kinds of emotional, because I felt I had lived every word of hers.  I wish she knew how much she had identified with me. I've never met anyone with the same yearning as me.

Juggling life is hard, work is hard, marriage is hard, but it is one hundred times worth the craftsman-ship, dedication and love - because above all, it is a form of happiness. That
particular happiness I am incredibly grateful of, and will always protect.

But deep, underneath there is still desire. I want something, and I will never stop dreaming, hoping, and ultimately praying that one day I settle the genie inside of me, and I find exactly what it is I am looking for. 

I know it's out there. 

♥

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