Catching Dreams

I must whole-heartedly admit that I never expected the life I chose. I made a pretty bad job out of school, and a university rejection, and too many jobs to remember later. I was ruined, destined to fail.

But, I did the unthinkable, and made a life for myself.

Almost a decade later - I am happily married, living in our first home, in a permanent job, running as my hobby, living happily and healthily and breaking down the shyness brick by brick. Most significantly (if you know me well), I have a heart full of dreams and belly full of laughter. 

But, there is something still burning, a desire... almost for happiness.

I can't explain the full extent of the desire, other than it's there and it's so deep it keeps me awake at night, and has the power to wake me up in the early hours. I constantly search, and never stop. I think things that are far more extraordinary than most. 

A Rosie Outlook wrote a brilliant post earlier this week, which enlightened me. I was all kinds of emotional, because I felt I had lived every word of hers.  I wish she knew how much she had identified with me. I've never met anyone with the same yearning as me.

Juggling life is hard, work is hard, marriage is hard, but it is one hundred times worth the craftsman-ship, dedication and love - because above all, it is a form of happiness. That
particular happiness I am incredibly grateful of, and will always protect.

But deep, underneath there is still desire. I want something, and I will never stop dreaming, hoping, and ultimately praying that one day I settle the genie inside of me, and I find exactly what it is I am looking for. 

I know it's out there. 

♥

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Gracious

I’ve began to realise that dreams are far more complex than they are obvious. When I travelled to Asia I had a heart full of dreams, and I was certain that following them would change my life forever.  

The dreams you think will come true, most often don’t unfold the way you expect or imagine them to. I’ve realised that dreams are unexpected and ultimately unfold when you least expect them to.

The day I met Pang – a Thai elephant, my heart fluttered and my skin tingled,  I felt so much happiness in my bones.
This day was one of the true greats of my life.

I was mesmerised to meet Pang, to stand and appreciate her true beauty close up. To touch and feel her rough skin and stare into her deep dark black eyes. I never imagined I would be taking a bath with an elephant in the middle of the rainforest.  That is essentially a dream - the unexpected.

My heart melts when I surround myself with animals, I know as much as this. I have a sincere and true everlasting love for nature.
I feel so incredibly humbled and gracious of my life, something which has taken me a long time to realise.  

Pang – you changed my life forever and I will always hold you close in my heart. So close. 

♥

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Give Travel A Chance

Tonight, I had a burning desire to write.

My heart is firmly set on sharing my adventures in Asia. I promise.

What has been absorbing my thoughts lately, well lets be frankly honest the moment I stepped off the plane back into the UK, is how much my desire is to travel. When talking to a colleague the other day I told her just how much my heart belongs in travel, and adventure. I realised in that moment – how much my life has changed. 

Up until the age of TWENTY - I had never travelled on an aeroplane before, or stepped foot on foreign sand. My childhood was homely, and we had typically British seaside holidays - foreign holidays were just that - foreign.  Friends would often take holidays to America, Disneyland, and Gran Canaria to name a few, but it was a very alien concept to me, something that I didn't necessarily feel sad or jealous of. Just something that wasn’t a part of my life. 

I remember my husband and I's first holiday very well. Tenerife 2009. He persuaded me to take my first real foreign holiday. After three nights, I was set on going home, I found it so difficult to adjust to the hot temperature (my body had never experienced before), and felt completely incapable of speaking a foreign language and using a different currency. I felt at a loss and totally unqualified at travel.

The following year was even more disastrous, an all-inclusive resort in Crete. The setting was lovely, but I just couldn't feel settled or relaxed. I struggled to even sun bathe, let alone enjoy myself. I came home with no desire to travel back there, and didn't leave the country for another two years.

Then...out of nowhere, it hit me. And it hit me hard.

This sounds awfully cliché, but somewhere between losing four stone in weight and marrying my love, I found my real desire to travel. When leaving Fiji (the destination our honeymoon began), my heart sank and I had this feeling I had never experienced before in my entire life. I wanted to go back (there), but I wanted to go further. I wanted to see more, do more, explore, adventure.

And that was it...

Each trip there on after has taught me a different lesson, given me a flavour and incredible taste and inspired me to keep going – further, and longer. 

You only learn to travel, when you live it. 

♥

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Forever More Thailand.

I never expected to completely fall in love with travel– as I did in Thailand. One country, two cities, a national park, one very special elephant, many coconuts, a cookery class, five airports, six flights, one tropical island, one riverboat, and 8 new friends later … I am completely overwhelmed with a deep and burning love for such a beautiful place. I’m still relishing just how much I’ve learnt and slowly and carefully absorbing every memory, moment and photograph. So many moments stored in my heart forever.  

I have a feeling I’m going to take a lot with me from this trip for many years to come, and so be a life-time; it’s been an incredibly special one. 

♥

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