I’ve reached a point in my life where segments fit together,
I’m no longer the lost teenage adolescent or the fresh faced early twenties
girl. I’m a married woman, with a loving husband and beautifully crafted home.I still have some challenges to face, and my own personal and professional goals, but there is one BIG question
When are you having a
I always knew I wanted to be a Mum – this was never out of
the question, but timing is key.I have always lived by the rule that I want
to be able to provide my child with opportunities I never had.I’ve learnt some incredibly tough lessons in
life, and believe me I still consider myself to be ‘learning’.
I want to be able to teach my child to be confident,
proud, and optimistic in all aspects of their life – all areas myself I
struggle with. Would it be fair to expect somebody else to be something I am
Emotionally, I love with all of my heart. My husband is the
single most important individual in my life. I’ve always wondered if I could
love a child – I have a complicated and sometimes distant relationship with my
own Mum, and have told myself so many times that I don’t want history to repeat
I also know that my husband’s love is borrowed, for a daughter would consume a large chunk and ultimately become his apple. I know of this rare, unbreakable love, because of the love of my own Father. When I wake up in the middle
of the night scared, I still unknowingly shout for him. When I
get really upset and cry, it is always for him. Because, he was the first man to care for me. Am I ready to share my husband's love and affection?
When we planned our wedding, we always were set on having a
significant gap between starting a family.It might
seem unusual to some, but we both feel there are certain things, and most
significantly places; we still want to see.
Of course comes the question of fertility, I guess nobody is
quite sure whether they will be able to have a child. My body has seen some big
changes, and when at my lowest weight, my best friend quietly mentioned whether
I had considered the damage it could have on my fertility. I was so grateful
she had been brave enough to question me, because up until that moment I hadn’t
really forseen the future.
I’m not scared of having a
baby; I’ve grown to welcome the idea. I even sometimes, occasionally find
myself wandering into the baby section, and at occasions such as Halloween and
Christmas I do often wonder how wonderful it would be to have a little someone
But right now I’m just not ready. And I am more than certain, that that is