Wednesday, 29 October 2014

Hey, Baby

I’ve reached a point in my life where segments fit together, I’m no longer the lost teenage adolescent or the fresh faced early twenties girl. I’m a married woman, with a loving husband and beautifully crafted home. I still have some challenges to face, and my own personal and professional goals, but there is one BIG question ahead...

When are you having a baby?
 
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I always knew I wanted to be a Mum – this was never out of the question, but timing is key.  I have always lived by the rule that I want to be able to provide my child with opportunities I never had.  I’ve learnt some incredibly tough lessons in life, and believe me I still consider myself to be ‘learning’.
I want to be able to teach my child to be confident, proud, and optimistic in all aspects of their life – all areas myself I struggle with. Would it be fair to expect somebody else to be something I am not?
 
Emotionally, I love with all of my heart. My husband is the single most important individual in my life. I’ve always wondered if I could love a child – I have a complicated and sometimes distant relationship with my own Mum, and have told myself so many times that I don’t want history to repeat itself.
  
I also know that my husband’s love is borrowed, for a daughter would consume a large chunk and ultimately become his apple. I know of this rare, unbreakable love, because of the love of my own Father. When I wake up in the middle of the night scared, I still unknowingly shout for him. When I get really upset and cry, it is always for him. Because, he was the first man to care for me. Am I ready to share my husband's love and affection?
 
When we planned our wedding, we always were set on having a significant gap between starting a family.  It might seem unusual to some, but we both feel there are certain things, and most significantly places; we still want to see.
 
Of course comes the question of fertility, I guess nobody is quite sure whether they will be able to have a child. My body has seen some big changes, and when at my lowest weight, my best friend quietly mentioned whether I had considered the damage it could have on my fertility. I was so grateful she had been brave enough to question me, because up until that moment I hadn’t really forseen the future.

I’m not scared of having a baby; I’ve grown to welcome the idea. I even sometimes, occasionally find myself wandering into the baby section, and at occasions such as Halloween and Christmas I do often wonder how wonderful it would be to have a little someone with us.

But right now I’m just not ready.  And I am more than certain, that that is completely okay.
 


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10 comments

  1. Amen to this is 100% ok. I'm not married, but at 27 people keep telling me I'd best get a move on and have a baby before it's too late...I find that unfathomable at this stage in my life, I'll breed when I'm good and ready, and if it isn't meant to be, then it isn't meant to be! xx

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    1. I totally agree in fate, and sometimes fate has a way. I find it so odd when other people suggest having a baby would be right! Surely only that individual can possibly know for themself. Glad I am not alone xxx

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  3. I totally agree. We've been married nearly three years, and we get asked the baby question a lot, especially as we're both in our late 20's. I'd say 3/4 of my senior school friends are parents (whereas it's less than 1/4 of my husbands school year oddly) so us being married and not having children yet, they think it's weird.

    I'm not convinced about having kids, Joe doesn't really know either way. A lot of our friends here in the US haven't had them and are older and perfectly happy about it. I can't imagine myself having a kid, I think it's because I don't have a great relationship with my mother and I wouldn't want history to repeat itself in that respect.

    Plus at 28, although i'm married, I still feel too young to be a mam.

    I donno, if it happens it happens, if it doesn't my life won't be over ya know.

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    1. Ditto, I can't imagine/picture it either for myself (not right now), although I do know it is a possibilty, the fact the question crops up time and time again is ludicrous really.
      I feel incredibly young - although I have friends my age with children of 3, 5 and 7, I don't feel old enough to have a child myself.

      I've learnt life has it's moments, and if children are part of our future then that is brilliant, but also if for whatever reason it doesn't happen - life is still worth living xxx

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  4. You make a wonderful mother when the time is right, a child is for life and a huge responsibility for anyone to take on. I'm with you Alice enjoy the freedom years!

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  5. Wonderful post - you captured my own feelings on babies personally.

    Lizzie's Daily Blog

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  6. I always think you just know when the time is right. My husband never wanted children but then we both just got to that point where we said 'no harm in trying and let mother nature decide'. Shes 19 now x

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  7. I know i am far too selfish to want a baby but people assume that I will change my mind, so frustrating!

    Maria xxx

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  8. It's something which is so personal to each person and no one else should persuade you otherwise! The right time is the right time for you, and I don't think anyone else should decide that for you. - Tasha xxx

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