Sunday, 4 August 2013

A Brick Wall

I’ve documented my weight loss on here – and the dramatic change and impact it has had on my life, but this week saw me start to question whether the journey had gone too far. 7 months ago I weighed an unhealthy 11st – I was overweight and desperately unhealthy.
This year I have undoubtedly turned my life around – I’ve got fit, shed the weight and completely changed my outlook on life.  It’s took bravery, strength and courage to do this and I am not ashamed in saying this is my proudest achievement.

Me this weekend.
I’ve always loved food and have a great appetite – it’s been hard cutting out all the foods I used to love and replacing them with healthy ones. But it is manageable and I have found some amazing foods throughout my journey that I would have never thought to try or eat before.
 
I was reluctant to join a gym – and still don’t think a gym is an environment I would personally feel comfortable in. Instead I dusted off my trainers and put on my running shoes – and it’s turned out to be the best decision I ever made. I LOVE running. I get such a kick and drive knowing I can start my day with a run in the morning. It keeps me physically fit, but also gives me that bit of space mentally – whilst I’m running nothing else matters – I can be whoever I want to be, and however much stress there is in the rest of my life, I can put it all aside whilst I’m running. 
 
Me at my heaviest and lightest.

The question I have to ask myself right now is has this gone too far? Of course I’m thrilled to be slim and the boost when buying clothes is undeniable. But weighing little over 7st and finding size 8 jeans too big – do I really want to be this small?
 
I’m not scared to admit weight loss is addictive – seeing the pounds and then stones change on the scales is rewarding. Being able to recognise just how far you have come is the biggest boost. But when you reach target (I never had a target as such – I just wanted to be ‘slim’), what is there left to achieve?

Of course I know the rational answer is to stay healthy and maintain the weight loss, but sometimes in the back of your mind all you really want to do is lose just one more pound. But when you convince yourself and others there is no need to lose anymore – and then you do, you feel a little bit mixed up about things.
 
I think my biggest challenge is to get a balance – of exercise and food. I need to remind myself just how far I’ve come and remember that being healthy means an equal amount of both. I am not anorexic, bulimic or have an eating disorder (I can safely confirm that), but I need to look after myself and my body.
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