Sunday, 4 August 2013

A Brick Wall

I’ve documented my weight loss on here – and the dramatic change and impact it has had on my life, but this week saw me start to question whether the journey had gone too far. 7 months ago I weighed an unhealthy 11st – I was overweight and desperately unhealthy.
This year I have undoubtedly turned my life around – I’ve got fit, shed the weight and completely changed my outlook on life.  It’s took bravery, strength and courage to do this and I am not ashamed in saying this is my proudest achievement.

Me this weekend.
I’ve always loved food and have a great appetite – it’s been hard cutting out all the foods I used to love and replacing them with healthy ones. But it is manageable and I have found some amazing foods throughout my journey that I would have never thought to try or eat before.
 
I was reluctant to join a gym – and still don’t think a gym is an environment I would personally feel comfortable in. Instead I dusted off my trainers and put on my running shoes – and it’s turned out to be the best decision I ever made. I LOVE running. I get such a kick and drive knowing I can start my day with a run in the morning. It keeps me physically fit, but also gives me that bit of space mentally – whilst I’m running nothing else matters – I can be whoever I want to be, and however much stress there is in the rest of my life, I can put it all aside whilst I’m running. 
 
Me at my heaviest and lightest.

The question I have to ask myself right now is has this gone too far? Of course I’m thrilled to be slim and the boost when buying clothes is undeniable. But weighing little over 7st and finding size 8 jeans too big – do I really want to be this small?
 
I’m not scared to admit weight loss is addictive – seeing the pounds and then stones change on the scales is rewarding. Being able to recognise just how far you have come is the biggest boost. But when you reach target (I never had a target as such – I just wanted to be ‘slim’), what is there left to achieve?

Of course I know the rational answer is to stay healthy and maintain the weight loss, but sometimes in the back of your mind all you really want to do is lose just one more pound. But when you convince yourself and others there is no need to lose anymore – and then you do, you feel a little bit mixed up about things.
 
I think my biggest challenge is to get a balance – of exercise and food. I need to remind myself just how far I’ve come and remember that being healthy means an equal amount of both. I am not anorexic, bulimic or have an eating disorder (I can safely confirm that), but I need to look after myself and my body.
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9 comments

  1. I think the most important thing is that you are healthy and happy, nothing else really matters! xxx

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  2. Aw Alice, I love that you have been so open about this. I have actually got a post in mind that will address exactly this issue but I will email you in the meantime. You look fabulous hun, don't fade away :) x

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  3. Thanks for sharing this frank and honest post with us, you look great!

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  4. I felt a 'what now?' kind of feeling, nothing to work towards. My weight was easy to maintain after I'd lost it and it kind of kept itself level. It took me many months for it to sink in really, in fact I'd say not far off a year. It is a balance. Of course for me that was many years back but I felt like you. I'd say its completely natural to feel how you do but you're right it does'nt get talked about much. Love the before and after photos.

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  5. You look truly amazing and have been on such a journey to become healthy - it seems that perhaps your journey to health has come to a kind of end now you have reached your goal and that is always something that is difficult to come to terms with. I'm sure you will be just fine and will just take a while to adjust your mindset - in the meantime continue to be proud of what you have achieved! x

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  6. I think as long as you are happy and healthy, you have nothing to worry about!

    Maria xxx

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  7. Hey thanks for sharing. Size 8 is small yes, but as long as you are healthy and happy that's all that matters. I've had good friends take it too far and all the fun goes out of food and keeping fit. And if that happens its time to stop! Take care :-) Stop by and say hi sometime! http://frockandkohl.blogspot.com/

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  8. Congratulations! You look so much better in the "after" picture!

    I happen to weigh about 98 lbs, which is pretty normal for my height [5'1/2"]. You certainly don't look too thin, just good!

    Another thing: recently, with people getting heavier, I have often found that I had to go to smaller sizes, as the sizes seem to have grown to accommodate the ego of the fat people...

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  9. hey :) as ive been away from blogging for a while i haven't been following your weight loss. You look amazing, although very tiny indeed!
    I completely understand what you've said about the addictiveness of losing weight and i think it's good that you've aware of that and are trying not to get sucked into it too far. Like i said, you really have done an amazing job and thanks for posting this btw, its something that people should talk about more...just take care of yourself :) x

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