I’ve been scared to write this for so long. Part of me wanted to share it and another part desperately didn’t. Looking at the photo on the left makes me feel terribly sad – at the time this photo was taken (June 2012) I was overweight, unhappy and unfit. But I was too scared to admit it. Or do anything about it.
|Me holiday June 2012 - Me holiday June 2013|
I had been overweight for the best part of ten years, and had always hid under layers of clothing, and endless scarves. I always had to cover up in any situation and never dreamt that one day in the future... I would be able to wear a bikini whilst on holiday.
Leading up to the holiday I was so anxious about what to wear and what to pack because my wardrobe was no longer ‘mine’. Nothing fitting and worse still I felt a stranger in my old clothing, it was a struggle and I never thought losing weight would mean throwing away my entire wardrobe and starting all over again.
Even though the old photos make me feel incredibly alienated and disgusted, they will always have a purpose. Body image and weight is such a personal issue, and this has undoubtedly been my biggest challenge. I’m not perfect and never will be, I will always be insecure and lack great confidence in myself, but to finally have achieved something I never thought was even possible has taught me that if you want to make a change in your life - there is only you who can make it happen.
To finally be able to walk down the street without a shield of guilt so tightly wrapped around me, to be able to go into a clothing shop and actually enjoy trying on clothes that fit and to have someone tell me I look beautiful and for me to believe it for the first time in my life – it's emotional for me to express into words how much of an impact this has had.