I’m no stranger to unemployment, I wrote about my on-going struggle a few weeks ago, and I was touched by your support regarding the issue. I have spent years upon years searching for a job, and I have been so close to gaining employment in roles I have applied for. Jobs I have wanted so badly, jobs I wouldn’t have taken for granted. Someone, somewhere for whatever reason has decided not to give me that chance, and there is not one single thing I can do to change that.
It’s impossible to explain just how much anger I have when a company rejects me, I can’t just shrug it off like it never happened. I do take it to heart, and see it as an insult, because it’s not just one rejection in the grand scheme of things- it’s a force full of rejection. Knowing you have given something your absolute all, and it still not being good enough time and time again.
I try not to bottle it all up, but sometimes- like today it explodes, and knowing I have attended in the region of 70-80 failed job interviews in the last couple of years, makes me feel pretty shit about myself y’know. Single interviews, telephone interviews, group interviews, second stage interviews, third stage interviews, trial days- I’ve been there, done that, got the t-shirt.
All those people behind those desks, behind those questions, behind those jobs have decided I am not good enough. And brushed me aside, not given me that chance I so desperately wanted. It’s not normal to have attended that many interviews- I do know that, and I know most people probably have got every job they’ve ever gone for, or had a handful of rejections in their lives. Everyone is different, but the sheer volume I’ve had and been unsuccessful for is ridiculous. And forgive me for saying- totally unfair. Today I really questioned what I have done to deserve this.
I am shy, I am quiet, and I am under-experienced, but that doesn’t make me a bad person. All I want to do is work for someone and prove not only to myself, but to the world I am capable. The jobs I have previously had may have been short-term, but that decision was completely out of my hands, to tell me I haven’t got enough experience is a catch 22- I can’t get any more experience until someone is willing to give it me.
The truth is I am worn out, despairing and tired of all forms of rejection I have received on so many levels. The day someone takes a chance on me, will be the day I can finally find the confidence to put this behind me.
I know it’s nearly Christmas, and I know getting myself upset will only spoil things. I feel sad that this year should have been significant- I got engaged and got my driving licence, but this on-going struggle will most certainly take me into 2013. I have to keep fighting for my chance, my break, because I know in my heart it does exist.