Monday, 26 November 2012

Big Girls Don't Cry

Today I received one of the most horrible rejections in my life. What had I done to deserve that? I applied for a job that I believed I was capable of doing and put my all into making the best impression at interview. There is always a fine line between appropriate ways to treat candidates after interview (get in touch via a generically worded email, wait weeks to get in touch or failing that never get back in touch) - I don’t think anyone deserves to be treat in any of these ways and certainly not the way I have been today, I wish more than anything that there was a fair policy when it comes to interviewing.

Sometimes I just feel like crying about what has happened to me, how many rejections I’ve had, how many times I’ve been unlucky, how many times I’ve been let down.

I searched for years for employment after leaving college, and took temporary upon temporary contract to gain some experience, then last year after years of searching for a full-time job, I found one. It wasn’t well paid and it certainly wasn’t glamorous, it was sheer hard work. Someone was willing to employ me and pay me to work for them. I had done what I had thought was impossible.

My job was temporary-on going, which meant it wasn’t secure and most certainly not forever. I knew this was an eventuality, and in my heart I knew this was not the job I would be doing for the rest of my life. After nine long months, in January of this year I got told I was no longer needed and not to go back. The worst part about this was the fact there had been no mention of it before Christmas or notice of it happening, and I actually believed I was going back after the Christmas break. I remember feeling shocked realising my job was over just like that, like it had never existed in the first place. Realising life can hit you pretty hard when you least expect it.

Once I’d got my head around it, I saw it as an opportunity to find something more secure and with a permanent prospect to it. But this was no easy task- I faced an incredible amount of rejection again. I went through months of turmoil; my heart sank every time I got rejected, because however hard I tried, I just wasn’t good enough. I spent month upon month searching for a new job, and just like before the rejections were coming thick and fast. Losing out to jobs I ached and dreamed for was heart-breaking, one notable rejection will probably never leave me.

I finally got a new job in July of this year, it was only going to be part-time, but it was permanent, and that in itself made me finally breathe relief after all these years of uncertainty. I knew it wasn’t going to take me to the top of the ladder, but it was a secure job, and it meant routine.

When I found out at the beginning of September that I was being made redundant, as the shop was due to close down, I was as you can imagine pretty annoyed. Seriously how unlucky can I be? Why do people have to be so dishonest? Why oh why did I get told it was permanent, when all along it was in the pipeline to close? It makes me angry that I thought I had achieved a small part in gaining something, to lose it again.

I now find myself trying to find another job and this explains my absence blogging. The past few weeks have been challenging, the same familiar pattern of rejection and failed interview after interview. I’m beginning to think I could break a World Record for the amount of failed job interviews I’ve undergone in the last four years.

I know what I do have far outweighs what I don’t have in life, I have my health, my family, my cat and a beautiful home and life with my Mr. I vow not to give up, and I know one day someone will see the real potential in me, and I will find my place, but right now it doesn’t make it any easier to accept or understand.

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17 comments

  1. Applying for jobs is such a difficult process; you're putting yourself out there and making yourself vulnerable to multiple rejections. I really struggle with it, probably because I don't generally need any help to feel bad about myself. A lot of the time you can be turned down through no fault of your own, perhaps they already had an internal candidate for the job, or they had a particular kind of person in mind.

    It is really tough though... Hope you're ok xx

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  2. Oh Alice, I am so sorry you've had yet another awful rejection, it is incredibly disheartening to face them one after another and I can completely understand how you feel - but somehow knowing you're in the same boat as thousands of others doesn't take the edge off does it?

    You're bright, lovely and super capable - at some point an employer will hire you and realise they have hit the jackpot!! I will keep my fingers crossed for you until that happens my lovely.

    Thinking of you,

    Jem xXx

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  3. I am so sorry to hear you have been going through a tough time. I had a bad experience after interview in the summer - they just didn't get back to me until I asked several weeks later. Why do people treat other people in that way. I hope the perfect job is waiting round the corner for you! You should be proud of all the skills you have learnt in your other jobs xx

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  4. This resonates with me a hell of a lot at the moment Alice. I finished university in June and was overjoyed that I was offered a full time job straight out of uni. Then it was changed to part time, and then they changed it to minimum wage (not what I was expecting as a graduate) Anyway, I took the job and kept my other part time job at a supermarket chain as I knew it would be good experience. I had so many hassles with pay and hours and last month they decided there wasn't enough work and let me go. I'm in an industry with a lack of jobs at the moment but I apply for all that do come up and often get an interview, but as of yet, I've been unsuccessful. I moved out of my parents and in with my boyfriend straight after uni and so now rent and bills are a huge worry in my mind because I'm digging deep into my savings. It's hard but the right job is out there for us. I completely understand how you feel and I hope you find a job soon. Life sucks sometimes doesnt it! But Im sure the perfect company will snap you up, I guess we've just gotta keep on searching and working hard. In the words of Ben Howard, keep your head up and your heart strong! Katie xxx

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  5. I'm sorry to hear about your day and I can totally relate to how you feel. Although I left my job to move to the US this perhaps wasn't the wisest move when it came to job and money. I had a stupid idea in my head that with a masters degree i'd be employable but i've found it all to be a big waste of money. Trying to find a job over here never happened, I got one interview and that was it, it was so hard. I hardly ever got a reply to any of the places I was applying to, so that's why I gave up and started my ebay and etsy. They really don't make enough to be a living but I was getting too down hearted at constantly job hunting. I want my stores to eventually pay me more but it's going to be a long journey, it's a good job I love it!

    Good luck with everything Alice xx

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  6. Oh hun I feel the same way, same thing happened to me in January this year, after working my bottom off after Christmas last year in a tiny sweet shop, I was sent my P45 in the post with a tiny typed letter that simply read "Sorry, our profits were bad over the Christmas period, and we can't keep you, here's your P45", and the worst bit? I received this on New Years Eve, just as I was letting people in for the festivities. I find myself reading every rejection like a personal attack on me, but I just try to tell myself its horribly competitive at the moment and that I just have to keep going. I know its hard over the Christmas period but don't feel like your alone <3 x x x

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  7. Oh Alice, it really is crap and I'm so sorry you feel so sad. You must be doing something right to get as far as the interview stage, many people never get that far.
    It is extremely poor mannered not to give you the courtesy of an email or letter, what kind of unprofessional employer would they have been to work for? Maybe it was a blessing in disguise.
    The last paragraph of your post confirms what a positive and fabulous person you are, don't let them get you down. Do make the most of your health and your family 'cos we're not all that fortunate.
    Keep believing in yourself and eventually others will too. xxx

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  8. I'm really sorry that things are getting to you Alice, it's so clear to all your blog friends that you deserve a lucky break. I know we're all keeping our fingers crossed for you. Take care of yourself x

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  9. It took me about two years after graduating to even find casual work and I became really depressed while job hunting and found it really degrading having to go to the job centre. I'm really happy where I am now but it's taken me about 4 years to get here. I know you will find your dream job soon, I've got a feeling 2013 will be a good year for you xxx

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  10. I really sympathise Alice! I went through a period of unemployment during my twenties and I know how quickly it affects your self-esteem and how each rejection is such a slap in the face. In the end, it prompted me to re-train as a journalist, which got me back in to work but also helped me to find my niche. I think that sometimes we have to go through the crap times to figure out what it is we really want or need out of life. I really hope you find your niche soon and when you do I'm sure you'll just spread your wings and fly. Until then, stay strong as I know you are xx

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  11. I have no words but sending love by the bucket x

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  12. What a horrible experience, I know how horrible the whole job hunt can be and how demoralising it all is. Sending lots of hugs and I hope things turn around for you xxx

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  13. Sending lots and lots of hugs your way. The closest thing I can relate this to right now is my driving. It feel like a constant stress and struggle and is making life pretty miserable. We just have to hold on to the good things we have in life xxxx

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  14. Hunting for a job is one of the worst things, it can be so disheartening and depressing, and yet you need tons of motivation and endless optimism to keep going! I feel for you lovely it's so difficult at the moment. Keep being you though, and don't ever change. You will pull though in the end. Lots of hugs x x x x

    "Everything will be OK in the end. If it's not OK it's not the end"

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  15. Oh, Alice. Sending hugs your way. It is so hard. I finished uni in February 2010 and have had so many knock backs and such a hard time with it. After a little hiccup in my current job I can now say that although I am not exactly where I wasn't to be career-wise, I am happy and content with my job. I also feel it is secure enough to plan for the future. I never thought I would feel this way, I truly didn't.

    It will happen for you. I know it really doesn't feel like it now, but it will. I know how low it can make you feel, for me I got so wound up when I'd spend hours on an application and not even get a response. All you can do is keep trying though.

    Keep yourself busy, learn new skills, volunteer somewhere if you have time, just keep doing something because it makes the toughness of rejection a lot easier and can keep you self esteem going.

    Look after yourself... xx

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  16. I am sorry to hear about your job rejection. But perhaps this was a sign that your true dream job is still awaiting you :)

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  17. I promise that you will find that job that is perfect for you! The job market right now is so utterly awful, which I know is no consolation, but it's not just you struggling at the moment! And it's certainly no reflection on you or your abilities, you're super lovely and something good will come your way soon I'm sure of it! <3

    Jennie xo | sailorjennie.com

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