Underneath It All...

Sometimes it takes a really dark day to realise life can be more challenging than you ever expected or imagined it to be. One that sometimes seems so terribly unfair, especially when the undying efforts you put in, often go unsung and unnoticed.

I have realised we all have our own struggles in life, everyday each one of us is fighting a battle of our own. Without these tests and challenges, we wouldn’t ever be the real version of us. Life is tough, but sometimes you have to find the strength within.

A warm and heartfelt thank you goes out to everyone who was kind enough to offer me support, advice and kind words of both reassurance and encouragement on my last post. It was a difficult issue for me to address and part of me felt incredibly sad that it had come to that.

On a much lighter note- I have realised maybe, just maybe it’s time I let some of my barriers down, and embraced a new me. The shy girl in me would have never posted a photograph of myself on this blog. Maybe it's time for change.

♥

Big Girls Don't Cry

Today I received one of the most horrible rejections in my life. What had I done to deserve that? I applied for a job that I believed I was capable of doing and put my all into making the best impression at interview. There is always a fine line between appropriate ways to treat candidates after interview (get in touch via a generically worded email, wait weeks to get in touch or failing that never get back in touch) - I don’t think anyone deserves to be treat in any of these ways and certainly not the way I have been today, I wish more than anything that there was a fair policy when it comes to interviewing.

Sometimes I just feel like crying about what has happened to me, how many rejections I’ve had, how many times I’ve been unlucky, how many times I’ve been let down.

I searched for years for employment after leaving college, and took temporary upon temporary contract to gain some experience, then last year after years of searching for a full-time job, I found one. It wasn’t well paid and it certainly wasn’t glamorous, it was sheer hard work. Someone was willing to employ me and pay me to work for them. I had done what I had thought was impossible.

My job was temporary-on going, which meant it wasn’t secure and most certainly not forever. I knew this was an eventuality, and in my heart I knew this was not the job I would be doing for the rest of my life. After nine long months, in January of this year I got told I was no longer needed and not to go back. The worst part about this was the fact there had been no mention of it before Christmas or notice of it happening, and I actually believed I was going back after the Christmas break. I remember feeling shocked realising my job was over just like that, like it had never existed in the first place. Realising life can hit you pretty hard when you least expect it.

Once I’d got my head around it, I saw it as an opportunity to find something more secure and with a permanent prospect to it. But this was no easy task- I faced an incredible amount of rejection again. I went through months of turmoil; my heart sank every time I got rejected, because however hard I tried, I just wasn’t good enough. I spent month upon month searching for a new job, and just like before the rejections were coming thick and fast. Losing out to jobs I ached and dreamed for was heart-breaking, one notable rejection will probably never leave me.

I finally got a new job in July of this year, it was only going to be part-time, but it was permanent, and that in itself made me finally breathe relief after all these years of uncertainty. I knew it wasn’t going to take me to the top of the ladder, but it was a secure job, and it meant routine.

When I found out at the beginning of September that I was being made redundant, as the shop was due to close down, I was as you can imagine pretty annoyed. Seriously how unlucky can I be? Why do people have to be so dishonest? Why oh why did I get told it was permanent, when all along it was in the pipeline to close? It makes me angry that I thought I had achieved a small part in gaining something, to lose it again.

I now find myself trying to find another job and this explains my absence blogging. The past few weeks have been challenging, the same familiar pattern of rejection and failed interview after interview. I’m beginning to think I could break a World Record for the amount of failed job interviews I’ve undergone in the last four years.

I know what I do have far outweighs what I don’t have in life, I have my health, my family, my cat and a beautiful home and life with my Mr. I vow not to give up, and I know one day someone will see the real potential in me, and I will find my place, but right now it doesn’t make it any easier to accept or understand.

♥

Best Poundland Find Ever!

I’ve spoken in the past about my love for Poundland bargains, there is simply no denying that I love shopping there, and today was literally one of those days that was completely unexpected and full of complete thrill... Influence by Mary-Kate and Ashley is one of my favourite fashion books, I eagerly awaited its release in 2008 and bought my copy after months of lusting after it. It certainly didn’t disappoint, my 19-year old self adored the Olsen twins, and it’s always one I refer back to again and again. It’s a true coffee table book, which oozes style, fashion and freedom. Basically, I LOVE this book. When I spotted this on the shelf in my local Poundland (Sheffield, Crystal Peaks) this morning I couldn’t quite believe my eyes, this book is worth much, much more than the £1 price tag, which of course makes me a little sad, even the greatest are sometimes destined for the clearance. When they released this book it came with two different covers (one Mary-Kate and one Ashley) and at the time I ordered it, it was a gamble to which one I would get, so I just had to buy a second copy with the opposite cover for my own bookshelf today. p.s I’ve missed you. ♥