Monday, 21 February 2011

A better me



Truth to be told I haven’t been happy with the way my life has been going for a long time. You go to school to learn, all for the hope of a bright future. Yet when reality hits, it’s not what it’s supposed to be like.

I have tried to dig myself out of this hole so many times. Years have passed by and yet I still am in the same situation I was in right at the beginning. It feels like life is paused, and therefore never can move forward or ever catch up with those who have.

If I didn’t have passion, ambition or an ounce of intelligence, I think I would have given up a long time ago, but part of me still feels I’m worth more than a life of nothing.

Part of my problem is I’m so unbelievably weak when it comes to rejection. I spend days crying about it, telling myself I am not good enough, therefore never will be, instead of just having the courage to move on.

I wish I was one of those people who had it all sussed, because believe me right now I couldn’t feel anymore tormented and challenged by life.
x
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29 comments

  1. Oh Alice lovey, I'm sorry you're feeling rotten. For what it's worth, I think most people don't have life sussed, some are just better at portraying the image that they have.

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  2. Sorry to hear your feeling down :( I feel like I can relate to where your coming from right now, but chin up chic, hpfly things will get better :)
    If it makes me feel any better I think everybody feels like that at times, its like Alex said above, some ppl are just better at hiding it than others x x

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  3. Oh beloved it happens! Don't let things drag you. Sometimes rejection is what you need to push you to take that big step.

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  4. I feel like this all the time as well, feels like everyone else is moving on and you are stood still and it's rubbish! But it could always be so much worse and the more you try at things the more likely something will come. But I totally understand where you're coming from and if you're anything like me in a few days you'll be on a high again :) x

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  5. Hi hun, i'm sorry things aren't good. I hope it helped to write it all down xx

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  6. i hope things start to look up for you soon

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  7. Oh sweet,
    I think a lot of us relate to this (I know I do)

    Did it help to write it down?

    E-mail inbox always open x

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  8. I'm sorry to read this, Alice! You know you've got a lot of support and love from your readers, me included. I hope writing down your thoughts helps yu to clarify stuff. xxx

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  9. Bless you. I hope this has made you feel better. Know you are never alone, you have lots of support around.

    Sending big hugs.
    X x

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  10. oh, alice! keep that beautiful face of yours smiling! your blog, and blogging beauties, alone should keep you smiling! (: we all support you, in everything you do! i'm so sorry you feel like this A, but i'm sure that that opening window is not far off, and all you have to do is grab it!

    i hope you feel better very soon,

    Legs xo
    legs11eleven.blogspot.com

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  11. I am so so sorry you're feeling like this, and I really hope it doesn't last.

    I know it's tough but it really will get better and you have to try and keep gonig and not take the knockbacks too personally.

    All the people who look like they have it sussed? They really haven't either. We're all just struggling to keep our heads above water too.

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  12. I hope our comments can cheer you up a bit at least. One thing is, nobody's got it all figured out, they are just better at pretending. Another good thing is that you know you want to change, that is a first step to achieving it :) And I'm sure you will be great, even if receiving rejection is not your strong side. But look at yourself, you are so dedicated, so creative and determined- you have your own blog for goodness sake- and that takes a lot of effort, skill and determination! :)

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  13. Oh Alice I'm so sorry you are finding things difficult. I doubt that many of us have got this "life" thing sussed in reality - some people are just better at hiding it. There used to be a TV programme called "Pie in the Sky" and the lead character used to always say - "well the way I see it is your born, then, you die, and you fill up the bit in the middle as best you can." sometimes we all feel that we're maybe not doing so well at filling up that bit in the middle, but persevere my dear because you have so much to offer. The girl who writes this blog that I am commenting on is witty, sassy and has a wonderful sense of style - she often makes me smile and cheers me up when I am feeling down, so if you have suffered a rejection, believe me it's their loss. ((hugs)) and best wishes - you hang in there girl! xxx

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  14. I truly believe that you should read the book "The Secret to teen power" Even tho you may not be a teenager. But i swear that it literally changed my life. It taught me about positivity and how it is so CRUCIAL to living and not just existing. Also, how to take control of things. I hope you buy it
    xoox Debby

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  15. So sorry to hear you are feeling that way Alice. I'm sure the majority of us can relate. I hope you feel a little better soon and that posting this and getting your feelings down has helped. You are a little treasure and should never feel like you aren't good enough.
    Big hugs. x

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  16. oh Alice :( this just wont do! something lovely will happen when you aren't expecting it and cheer you up. A lovely letter will be on the way when I finally have a day off to post it
    xx

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  17. I hope you feel better soon, I have been stressing a lot recently as well, so at least take comfort in knowing you aren't the only one!

    Give me a ring if you ever need a chat, sorry I haven't been commenting, I haven't been on blogger for so long I'm not feeling very inspired these days to be honest! xxx

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  18. Alice, I have felt like this too many and often a time. I too feel like life is sometimes one huge balls up that never gives me a break, BUT we make our own breaks. I still work a job I don't like always holding on to the hope something better will come along, but I have to make it happen.

    I hope you are ok and that you get your hope back again. I'm here if you ever need to chat. xxx

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  19. Ah Alice, I'm so sorry to hear this. Don't think you're alone in feeling this way though - even the most outwardly confident and sorted people have insecurities. It's what makes us human.

    Taking the first step towards a change is always the hardest, but once you get going it WILL get easier. I hope writing it all down and then reading all the comments here gives you strength. Don't give up. We're all behind you. xx

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  20. im sad you have been feeling down lady. i think there is so much pressure on us to succeed and be the best at everything - no wonder you have been beating yourself up about rejection. just try to stay positive and know things will get easier xx

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  21. oh alice, this was so heartbreaking to read. i'm so sorry that you're feeling so defeated and attacked by life right now. just remember that this too will pass, just like all the times you've struggled before. sheer positive thinking won't get you of this; but being optimistic, listening to friends and just quietly getting on with your work will! you've clearly got buckets of talent and drive, so don't let yourself fall victim to your own insecurities. trust me, you're ace :) chin up soon missy! xxxx

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  22. keep going Alice. My life definitely isns't susssed and have decided to try and fill my life with the things I love doing(vintage fairs, charity shopping etc)so that the not so sussed bits don't have so much room t bother me x

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  23. It's a very hard life when we are dogged down by such merciless feelings. It can feel like almost every body else is doing 'better' than we are. You are absolutely right to hold fast to the passions you have, this is one very good way to keep your head above water when life is very hard. Apart from that, if this is the way you have been feeling over a longer amount of time, things like cognitive behavior therapy can be a life saver. It's a case of learning that we can have feelings, they can be very strong, but it is how we react to those feelings that can make the difference. If you can't find someone nearby (or within economical reality) to teach you about cognitive behavior therapy, it can be just as useful to read a book about it.

    Either way, it's so important to reach out when you do feel very low.

    When we are sinking and sinking what we need is a structure to pick us up, to hold us up and to keep us going so the dips are not the end of us.

    Best wishes to you sweetie, hang on in there, and the truth is, even those who profess to being sussed are often lying about it, or they simply have a very charmed life or are on some kind of medication.

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  24. Please don't think you're alone in this hurricane of emotion, the fact that you've had so many comments just shows how much people empathise and care about you :) The fact that you recognise how blue you're feeling is almost a positive, try to keep your chin up and keep doing what you're doing, things always improve. This probably sounds very flippant and unhelpful but I agree with some of the comments above, find someone to chat with at length who can help you to acknowledge these feelings. You are not at all worthless, your dedication to this blog is just one of the many reasons which proves that! jazzy ♥

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  25. So sorry to hear things aren't good for you at the moment, i can totally empathise as i feel more or less identical to this. Hopefully something will happen to give you a new/better outlook on life asap <3xx

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  26. Sorry to hear your feeling rough :(. Good things come to those who wait! Lots of people are in this situation right now so hold your head high, be the best you can be and don't let things phase you!
    xoxo

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  27. Hi Alice, just to let you know that you have won third prize in my Blog Birthday Giveaway. Please could you email me your address to retrodollybird @ yahoo.co.uk (no gaps) x

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  28. Dear Alice, I think if most of us are honest we would admit that we all feel the same a lot of the time. Even at my age (cough43cough) I still have little courage in a lot of things. I was recently in a situation were something positive and lovely could have happened to cheer up my life, but I was too worried about what others would think. My chance past and I am still regretting not taking the chance. I don't think anyone really has everything sussed. Life IS hard and you just have to try and take each day at a time. Remember you have a good heart and and a great deal of passion. Focus on the happy things and try not to dwell too much on the negative. I used to find writing everything down was a good way to deal with the negative. Do also consider speaking to your GP who can put you in touch with someone whom you can talk to. Hope you feel yourself soon. Take good care of you xx

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