Saturday, 6 February 2016

Forgive Me

How do you find forgiveness when you realise that it’s not someone or something you have to forgive? You’ve carried the sadness in your heart for so long, it feels normal to ache and worry over the same person.
You find yourself living on tenterhooks, waiting for a past conflict to erupt all over again. Little do you realise, the answer is far closer to home, and there is only one person who you have to set free from past troubles. Yourself.

Thailand May 2015 - The journey that opened my heart up to possibility.
I am fierce. Wild. Raw. And sometimes: unpredictable. My determination can often override logic. But, this week I saw sense. And, resolved a family conflict I never thought would end.
Life, is surprising. I think I might just be capable of anything...


Sunday, 31 January 2016

Two Worlds Collide

I’m going to be frank, January has been the toughest. I felt a sudden fear erupt inside of me like never before. I knew it was coming; a fear of the unknown, and a stress I have never even been close to experiencing in my entire life.

My job terrifies, but equally excites me – I love doing what I do (even if sometimes it pushes me way out of my comfort zone). One day, I might just work out the key to success. And believe me, I want that to be every part food related.
Flower Sprout love.
I made some bold decisions last year, which ultimately meant sacrificing other factors of my life. My home life – almost certainly became defunct, spending half my time in one place and the other half back home. Of course, this was only ever going to be a ‘temporary’ solution, I wasn’t sure it would work, but I had little choice in the matter if my job was going to be practical enough to work. But, we’re working on fixing this one.  

I never give up on a challenge, and I wholeheartedly believe if you follow your deepest, darkest desires and never say no to an opportunity – you might just start paving the way to the future you’ve always dreamed of. Driving a 4 hour-round trip to capture the culinary magic of two incredible chefs after a 10-hour day at work, is sometimes what it takes to make *it* happen. I tasted the best food, experienced the most incredible flavours and pinched myself, because this is part of the dream.  

No, life isn’t perfect. We lost a great and significant family member this month, and as we say goodbye to him tomorrow we bring back all the memories that we have created together. I’ve become extremely reflective; in the way I can look back on times that are now a stark contrast to what they are like now. Like when I first met Simon, unemployed and locked in a world of shyness, like when I decided to lose weight and get fit, but struggled to eat properly and grew obsessed with figures and like the time I fell out not only with myself, but others too.

Reflection is not a bad thing. And, even though I’m still very much learning, I do know all of the things that I have done so far have made me the person that I am today – both the good and the bad. I believe you carve your own way in life – and I am certain that I have it in me, to find the happiness, success and fulfilment that I grew up dreaming existed. Oh hell, it’s out there. I am most certain.

Goodbye January, you have been a tough, but vital lesson.

Saturday, 2 January 2016

I Dreamed a Dream

I’m feeling a distinct feeling of openness going into 2016.  I am so ready to take on a whole new year, and spend time progressing in my work, marriage and life.

   The truth is – last year was a complete game changer – it was horrendously emotional and painstakingly tough and sometimes almost impossible, but it was also absolutely unbelievable and fuelling in ways I never imagined...

I followed my dreams – and somehow, they slowly unfolded around me.  Proving that, despite what people may tell you when you are growing up, or what you think you must believe – dreams are possible, if you have the guts to at least try.

I also figured out that dreams work in mysterious ways, and don’t always give you the answer you are looking for.  A dream can fill a segment of your life, but sadly has no guarantee to stick around. 

2016 is about one thing: Progression.

I feel as if the foundations were laid last year, I did everything I could in the time frame given (even if it felt I ran out of time by the end), without completely exhausting.  I know, I made mistakes along the way, but I was happy to learn and importantly move on.  The biggest part, was ultimately that I accepted that my dreams were wild and were not going to settle down or go away.  It was time to face them head on.

The girl who ran a half marathon by herself, travelled the world and back, bathed an elephant in the rain, got an article published in Asia, got the job she absolutely wanted more than anything in the world, and clung onto her marriage like never before – never said no in 2015. 

It may have taken twenty-six years to be brave enough to say it aloud, but my dream has always had an overwhelming grip on my heart:

I want to write, until my heart’s content.

I am more than certain, than ever before, that I have to follow that dream for as long as I believe it possible.


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